Descriptive verbs & P4 end-of-the-year model composition – A stormy day

This year, there were no P3 and P4 SA2 for students. However, a number of schools are still testing the students in some way or form. Some schools award marks for these tests while others simply give feedback.

The P4 students at Thinking Factory have worked hard all year. With weekly writing, along with Paper 2 components every lesson, students have been consistently improving.

Although there are no school results to show their improvement at the end of this year, I feel heartened when my students tell me about their achievements in school. Below is one such achievement. My P4 student, X.L.’s end-of-the-year composition was chosen by her English teacher as the class’ model composition!

She has been with us since P3 and over the past 2 years, she has grown to be a descriptive and creative writer. Most importantly, she has ironed out her grammatical mistakes such as tenses and spelling. She should be proud of herself that her model composition below has almost no grammatical mistakes!

With her permission, I am posting her school’s end-of-the-year composition below.

I feel that her composition stands out in 2 ways:

Descriptive verbs: her composition is a good example of how descriptive verbs can take your writing to another level.

Describing the theme: she has taken the time to develop the theme by describing a stormy day in detail in the 2nd paragraph. Her teacher also commented positively on the way she had developed her characters and their feelings.

So, have a read and take note of the vivid verbs and descriptions that she used in her composition. Congratulations X.L.!

P4 model composition on the theme of a stormy day

Write a story about a stormy day. Pictures – a closed drain pipe, two children playing tag on a wet ground, cars

“Remember to bring your umbrella!” my mother nagged at me before I left the house.

“Too late,” I thought as I rolled my eyes and slammed the door behind me.

I set off to school. After what seemed like an eternity, school was finally over. As the dismissal bell rang, I darted out of my seat and carried my bag. Then, I queued outside the classroom.

              All the students scurried down the stairs. Just as I stepped out of school, thunder rumbled in the air as white streaks of lightning formed in the dark, grey sky. Big, fat drops of rain fell from the dark, ominous clouds as gusts of wind blew around. The rain started off as a drizzle but gradually became a downpour. My friends had all left the school by asking their parents to pick them up. Only then did I regret not heeding my mother’s advice to bring an umbrella. I broke into a brisk walk as I made my way home, using my bag as a shelter for myself. My house was still quite a distance away.

              I was afraid that I could catch a cold. When I reached a traffic junction, the green man was flickering. Looking around, I saw that there were no other cars. I decided to cross the road although the red man had lit up. I ran across the road and suddenly I saw a bright red Toyota speeding towards me. Terror gripped me and perspiration started dripping from my forehead. I was powerless and frantic with terror. Then ‘Bang’ the car hit me. The impact was so great that I was flung a few metres away from my original place. I landed on the ground with a heavy thud.

              I saw passers-by rushing over to me. One of them called the ambulance while the rest attended to me. Within minutes the ambulance arrived and the paramedics laid me on a stretcher. At that moment, I lost consciousness. When I woke up, I found myself in the hospital lying on a bed. My eyes met my parents’ eyes and I was confused.

I asked my father, “What happened to me? Why am I in the hospital?”

My father told me what had happened. My face was red with embarrassment as he told me that the paramedics explained that I had dashed across the road. I regretted my actions as I had broken my leg.

              That night, as I lay in the hospital bed, I reflected on the stormy day’s events. I regretted not listening to my mother and dashing across the road. I promised myself to turn over a new leaf and never make the same mistake again.