How this Primary 4 Weighted Assessment Composition scored 17/20 (Must-Read exam Tips!)

Getting Primary 3 & 4 students to write compositions that are both lively and structurally sound is not easy. At Thinking Factory, our students do this weekly. Thus, our teachers are always pleased when our students perform well on their Paper 1 WA and end-of-year examinations. At the end of Term 2, many of our students had Composition for their WA3, and to everyone’s delight, many of our students did well, scoring between 15-18 / 20.

Below is one of those compositions. Nicholas scored 17/20. The WA3 theme was “An Unforgettable Encounter” and the pictures featured:

• a child sitting beside a lady in a wheelchair
• a boy with his hand outstretched to a dog
• a boy in front of the classroom waving hello to the class.

Let us take an in-depth look at the techniques that make this model compo outstanding. If you want more composition model examples and tips, please visit our P4 English Composition section.

1. An Engaging Opening

The composition begins with a burst of action and sound:

Ring! Ring! Ring! The sound of my bicycle’s bell rang loudly one sunny Sunday.

This opening is effective for several reasons:

• Immediate action – Readers are drawn straight into the scene, making them curious about what will happen next.
• Sensory language – Words like “ring,” “loudly,” and “sunny” appeal to hearing and sight, helping readers picture the setting.
• Direct relevance – Starting with cycling in the park sets up the main event naturally and avoids unnecessary background.

Many primary 4 students struggle with how to write the first paragraph. Here, the opening is lively and purposeful.

2. Vivid Descriptions that Paint a Picture

Throughout the piece, descriptive details bring the setting and emotions to life:

• “The sun shone brightly on the pathway, lighting up a beautiful sight of trees, flowers and grass.”
• “I could even hear the rustling of leaves and rocks and dirt banging against my bicycle.”

These sentences demonstrate:

• Strong vocabulary – Words like flabbergasted, zoomed, and profusely enrich the narrative.
• Sensory appeal – Sounds (bark, crack, rustling leaves), sights (bright sun, shining mirror-like bicycle) and touch (dog licking hand)
• Varied sentence structures – Longer descriptive phrases alternate with short, dramatic bursts (e.g., “Crack!”).

Good compositions do not merely tell events; they show them.

3. Clear and Logical Plot Development

The story unfolds smoothly, following a classic narrative arc:

1. Introduction – Cycling in the park on a sunny Sunday.
2. Rising Action – Hearing strange barks and cycling towards the sound.
3. Climax – Discovering the hidden dog and realising it is Waffles.
4. Falling Action – Returning the lost dog and being thanked by the neighbour.
5. Conclusion & Reflection – Concluding lesson about being aware and helping others.

4. Effective Use of Dialogue and Personal Thought

Dialogue makes the narrative lively and authentic:

• “Oh no! Hopefully the dog is friendly,” I said.
• “Well, if this works, it would be a miracle. Here it goes! Waffles?” I said anxiously.

Benefits of such dialogue include:

• Character voice – We hear the narrator’s thoughts and excitement.
• Increased tension – Phrases like “Hopefully the dog is friendly” heighten suspense.
• Variety – Alternating between description and speech prevents monotony.

Many Primary 4 compositions lack dialogue or overuse it. This one strikes a good balance.

5. Theme Development

At its heart, the composition is about empathy and responsibility:

• Helping a lost dog.
• Bringing joy and relief to the neighbour.
• Learning to stay alert and help others.

This emotional thread makes the story memorable and answers the key exam question: Why was the encounter unforgettable? The writer also reflects explicitly at the end:

“Who knows? Maybe you could help someone in the process. This really was an unforgettable encounter, I had found my neighbour’s dog and returned it.”

6. Rich Vocabulary and Varied Sentences

A wide range of words and structures elevates the writing:

• Interesting adjectives – flabbergasted, anxious, familiar, profusely
• Active verbs – zoomed, bolted, licked, shone
• Variety of sentences – from dramatic one-word exclamations (“Crack!”) to long, flowing descriptions.

7. Cohesive and Correct Grammar

Despite being lively and expressive, the composition maintains correct grammar and punctuation:

• Proper verb tenses for recount (past tense with occasional present thoughts).
• Correct use of quotation marks for speech.
• Logical paragraphing: each paragraph covers a single stage of the story.

8. A Memorable and Thoughtful Conclusion

The ending does more than tie up the plot:

“While walking, I learnt to really be really aware of our surroundings. Who knows? Maybe you could help someone in the process.”

This reflective conclusion elevates the composition from a simple recount to a meaningful life lesson, leaving a lasting impression on readers and examiners alike.

To conclude, remember the 5 points below when you practise your compositions!

1. Hook the reader early with sound effects or action words.
2. Use sensory details to paint vivid mental pictures.
3. Structure the story clearly with beginning, build-up, climax, and resolution.
4. Include dialogue to make scenes dynamic.
5. End with reflection to highlight the significance of the encounter.

Primary 4 Weighted Assessment Composition Model – An Unforgettable Encounter

Ring! Ring! Ring! The sound of my bicycle’s bell rang loudly one sunny Sunday. I was cycling in the park! The sun shone brightly on the pathway, lighting up a beautiful sight of trees, flowers and grass. My bicycle shone brightly like a shining mirror. Suddenly, I heard a bark and looked towards the direction where it came from. Then, I heard another bark, this time it sounded scared. I cycled to the area where I last heard the bark, not knowing what was about to come.

I cycled and cycled as fast as I could. I could even hear the rustling of leaves and rocks and dirt banging against my bicycle. I also could hear the sad cries of what seemed like a dog. I finally, reached the place, but I did not see all anyone or anything. It was quiet, so quiet that I could even hear the wind and rustling leaves. I looked left and right. Then, at the corner of my eye, I saw something unusual, a tail? It was also behind a tree like it was hiding from me. I got off my bicycle and slowly walked towards the tree. I was careful  not to step on any branches and frighten the dog away.

When I looked at what was behind the tree, I was flabbergasted. It was not a monster or anything but it was a dog. A playful dog. Suddenly, I accidentally stepped on a branch. Crack! “Oh no! Hopefully the dog is friendly,” I said. The dog slowly turned around and instead of running away, it stepped towards me slowly. I raised up my hand and tried to pat it but it licked my hand. “Ew!” I screamed.

Then, it struck me. “Black and white fur, walking towards me and licking my hand instead of letting me pat it. This dog feels, looks and sounds familiar, even the bark too!” I thought.

“Well, if this works, it would be a miracle. Here it goes! Waffles?” I said anxiously. The dog barked and jumped up and down.

“It really is you! I knew you looked familiar!” I shouted. Waffles is my neighbour’s dog and it was the friendliest dog I have ever seen but…

“Why is he here?” I asked myself. I tried to remember my surroundings and the only think I remembered was a sign saying, “Missing dog. Name, Waffles.” I then remembered a few days ago, the same neighbour said his dog was missing. I carried the dog and got on my bicycle. I put Waffles in the spare basket in front and zoomed off to my neighbour’s house. When I reached the house, I knocked on the door. The door slowly cracked open and he came out.

When he took just one look at the dog, he asked, “Is it actually..?”

“Yes!” I replied.

The dog jumped out of my hands and bolted into the house. My neighbour came forward and hugged me. He thanked me profusely and it felt like he would never let go.

After a while, I said goodbye and headed home. While walking, I learnt to really be really aware of our surroundings. Who knows? Maybe you could help someone in the process. This really was an unforgettable encounter, I had found my neighbour’s dog and returned it. This incident would be etched in my mind forever.