P6 English Composition model An Unwelcomed Guest

The school year has begun and I hope that everyone had a restful and good holiday! I would like to thank everyone who took some time out of their holidays to join Thinking Factory for our holiday workshops. In our Primary 6 Writing and Oral workshop, we worked on External and Internal Conflict during the creative writing component.

I challenged my Primary 6 students and encouraged them to write from different perspectives. After all, who doesn’t love reading a story from the perspective of a ‘baddie’?

In our creative writing piece, Unwelcomed Guest, the students had the choice to write from the perspective of a bully or a rat. Some students struggled with the concept while others enjoyed it thoroughly. One of my students could not stop giggling as he wrote out his composition and even asked me to ‘google’ facts about rats so that his story would be more authentic.

While he lost marks for his grammatical mistakes and insufficient use of the theme , I awarded him an A* for his enthusiasm and his perspective as a rat.  So, congratulations Darius! Your composition is chosen as the first Model composition of 2019! 🙂

An Unwelcomed Guest composition model primary 6

“Let’s go!”  Commander squeaked gesticulating to us to come out.  We scampered around looking for houses that had not installed any mouse traps.  Finally, we found one house that had insecurities. 

It was at the stroke of midnight.  Being a one year old rat, my father had placed me on the raid team to find food for the family.  My brother who had been on the raid team for a few months, explained to me that the goal was to steal and not get caught.  My father who was the commander started squeaking out orders.  We got into our formation and leaped in the house.

“Wow! So this is what a human’s house is like!”  I squeaked exuberantly scanning my surroundings.  Almost instantaneously, the aroma of cheese and food filled our highly sensitive noses!  “Remy, this way!”  Sister squeaked scampering towards the right.  Following her, the aroma led us to a big table that towered over us.  Stealthily, we climbed up the leg of the table.  First, I scampered to steal little snippets of food.  Then I would pass it to my sister who would drop it to my brother.  Finally, my brother would run to the cat flap and place it outside where my younger brother was.  However, there was one problem.  The food was covered by a food net.  With the help of my sister, we managed to chew a small hole at the food net.  As I was fishing out the good food like garlic bread and eggs, my mind was somewhere else.  I could still remember how vividly father talked about how humans hated rats and how they would try to kill us.  They saw us as unwelcomed guests.

Time waits for no man or rat.  By the time I had finished pondering, we had already collected enough food to feed the family.  Swiftly, I leapt from the tube and caught up with my brother.  “Do you smell cheese?!”  Brother squeaked a greedy grin plastered on his face.  Sniffing the air, I picked up a scent of parmesan cheese. Before I could even respond, he was scampering away towards the cheese.

Then, I heard a noise behind me. Adrenaline kicked in as I knew that we were under attack. Leaping into the air and landing next to my brother, I was an inch from being hit by a fly swatter.  My brother and I knew that we were unwelcomed in a human’s house and we would be shown no mercy. As quick as lightning, we squeezed out of the cat flap.  My heart was palpitating against my ribcage till I could hardly breathe.  “Remy! Here!”  My sister squeaked.  We hid under the stairs till we were sure that the human was gone.  Slowly we scampered back home.

When we reached home, my mother was relieved that we had all come back safe and sound.  All my brothers and sisters came to congratulate me on a successful escape and first mission.  Later, I asked my father, “Father why do humans unwelcome us?”  Father could only tell me that humans thought we were unhygienic which was true and that we would dirty their house but all we wanted was food to survive.  “Brother!  I am so sorry for being greedy and simple-minded!” I simply gave him a hug, thankful that he was alive.

That night we had a great feast of potatoes, fries, eggs, bacon fish and some greens.  We ate to our hearts content.  After we had eaten, we all fell asleep into a deep slumber.