Before the end of Term 1, some of my P6 students were tested on the Paper 1 components for their WA1. One of the schools tested on the theme of ‘A narrow escape’. Coincidentally, we had worked on this theme in class a few weeks before the test. The pictures, however, were completely different.
Due to the pictures given, all of them wrote a different story than the one we wrote in class. However, they all remembered the advice I had given them during the planning stage and the feedback given to them individually when their compositions were returned.
Fortunately, all of them scored above 30 marks for their WA1 and one of them scored 38. She has kindly agreed to share her composition on our blog. Congratulations to XL!
So, what did she do right?
1. Very few grammatical mistakes
There were hardly any grammatical mistakes in her WA composition.
2. Organised and clear theme development
XL planned out a clear and organised plot. Her theme was well-developed with relevant ideas. She used a variety of sentences to show her teacher that she understood what the theme of a narrow escape was all about. A narrow escape had to be one where the protagonist narrowly misses death / a misfortune/ the police/ being caught for something.
3. Precise vocabulary
XL also used appropriate and precise vocabulary for each part of her plot. For example in describing the use of social media, she used phrases such as ‘scrolling through Instagram’ and ‘social media addict’. When describing the narrow escape, she used phrases such as ‘ a close shave’, ‘could have died’, and ‘losing my precious life.’
XL created a protagonist who was very relatable. Her protagonist also learns an important lesson at the end of her story and grew to be a better person.
Below are phrases that can be used when describing a narrow escape and XL’s composition
5. Phrases to describe a narrow escape
- I was going to be knocked down.
- Everything happened in slow motion.
- The car was getting nearer and nearer, yet I stood rooted to the ground, face ashen.
- I did not know how to react.
- I had been so close to being knocked down.
- It was such a close shave.
- I could have died and I had also endangered my mother.
- Today was a narrow escape.
- “If I had not rushed to save you, you would have lost your life!”
- “Boy almost knocked down by car for using his phone while crossing the road”.
- Deep inside, I vowed never to be so reckless again.
- I do not want to be faced with another narrow escape of losing my precious life.
6. Composition model on the theme of a ‘narrow escape’
“Ding! Ding!” Another ‘like’ of my post on Instagram. I could not resist a smile. I was scrolling through my Instagram while brushing my teeth. The picture that I took at Jewel Changi Airport the day before was getting likes quickly.
As I prepared to leave for school, my mother nagged, “Ah girl! Don’t keep using your phone while crossing the road! It is very dangerous!”
I rolled my eyes and slammed the door behind me. My mother always labeled me as a ‘social media addict’ as I was always looking out for ‘likes’ on my Instagram. What is wrong with that? Many people do that now anyway, I thought to myself as I dragged my feet to school.
After what seemed like an eternity, my boring school day finally ended. I whipped out my phone.
“Yes! Two hundred likes!” I squealed in jubilation.
There was a spring in my step as I made my way home. I continued scrolling through my Instagram. I could not believe it. Within a few hours, I gained so many likes. Posting about Jewel was truly a way to get ‘likes’. I am surely going to go there again, I smiled to myself as I thought. As I walked towards the traffic junction, I did not pay attention to the traffic light. There were only three seconds left for me to cross the road but I did not realise this as I was scrolling through my phone. The traffic light for the cars had turned green and I was oblivious to it.
Just then, a shout resounded in my ear, “ May! Watch out!”
I turned to my right, only to see a bright, red Toyota speeding towards me. Realisation hit me like a sledgehammer. I was going to be knocked down. Everything happened in slow motion. The car was getting nearer and nearer, yet I stood rooted to the ground, face ashen. I did not know how to react. Just then, I saw a figure rushing toward me. She pushed me out of the way to the ground as the car sped past us. I had a deep gash on my right arm as it scraped on the rough road when I fell.
Unable to take in everything that happened, I lay on the ground huffing. I had been so close to being knocked down. Then I realised that the figure who had saved me was my mother. She must have wanted to fetch me from school, but by the time she had seen me, I was close to getting hit by the car. My mother helped me up and helped stop the blood that was oozing out of my injured arm. My mother had also injured her left leg. Guilt engulfed me. It was such a close shave. I could have died and I had also endangered my mother.
After arriving home and tending to my wound, my mother reprimanded me, “ How could you use the phone while crossing the road? I have warned you many times not to use the phone while crossing the road. Today was a narrow escape. If I had not rushed to save you, you would have lost your life!”
I hung my head as I apologised. My mother confiscated my phone and deleted my Instagram account. I knew that I deserved it.
The news had gone viral. “Boy almost knocked down by car for using his phone while crossing the road. I sighed as I switched off the television. Deep inside, I vowed never to be so reckless again. I do not want to be faced with another narrow escape of losing my precious life.
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